Mainers In Maryland

Photo Montage of Our Adoption Journey

2010-12-25T14:31:00.001-05:00

It's hard to believe that it's been nearly 6 months since we became a family. I had many good intentions to keep our blog current, but family life took precedent. Our life together has been more wonderful than we could have imagined. Zachary is an amazing boy. Every day is a new adventure with him.

As a special Christmas gift, I put together a photo montage of our adoption journey. It brings back many wonderful memories of our first months together.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88C3aqT0jBk

We're looking forward to the new memories we'll make over the coming years.

Family Day

2010-07-18T11:53:00.000-04:00

It’s been several weeks since we first met Zachary. It’s been hectic (and a little overwhelming at first), but we are all extremely happy. Now that we’re over the jet lag and have settled into a good routine, I’m able to look back and reflect on our family day.

The night before we met Zachary, a mixture of nerves and anticipation made it very hard for both of us to sleep. At 4:00am on June 29th, we gave up trying to sleep and decided to get up and do whatever we could to make time pass quickly. We tried to make ourselves busy, getting the hotel room as kid friendly as possible and ensuring we had everything we needed in his diaper bag for our first meeting. The hours seemed to pass very slowly. At about 8:30am, we caught a subway train to the Holt Adoption Agency so that we could meet with our social worker and visit the hospital where Zachary was born.

After meeting with our social worker, we took a taxi to the hospital together (about 30 minutes away). As we exited the taxi, our social worker said that it was traditional for us to present a small gift to the hospital for the tour we were about to receive. We were glad to get something for the people that took care of Zachary when he was first born. We went to a store next to the hospital. Our social worker suggested that we get a fruit juice gift pack. She bartered with the store clerk (this is very common in Korea), and got the gift for $10,000 won (about $9).

Zachary was born at the Injung Hospital in Seoul. It is a maternity hospital.

First, our social worker introduced us to the hospital director who would give us a tour of the hospital. We went up to the second floor. First we were shown the nursery area. They had the curtains drawn, but opened them to show us where the babies currently in the nursery area.

We tried to soak it all in, imagining what it would have been like to see Zachary there almost a year earlier. After that, we walked to the maternity area where all the babies are born. It was a large room with many beds, all separated by curtains.

After seeing the hospital, we thanked the hospital director and left the building. As we waited for a taxi, the emotions of what we had just seen started to sink in. We thought about what it was like for him and his birth mother the first few days of his life. Despite our happiness, it made us very sad to think about the separation of Zachary and his birth mother.

After a quick trip back to the hotel, we headed back to the adoption agency for our first meeting with Zachary. In Seoul, most of the subway stops have multiple exits. At the Hapjeong stop (the closest stop for Holt International), there are 8 different exits. When leaving the station, we got confused and ended up taking the wrong exit. We ended up at the wrong end of a large intersection, so we had to wait a few minutes for the signals to change so that we could cross the street. One thing that we noticed while in Seoul is that people very rarely jay walk or cross the street without a walk signal. After crossing the intersection, we walked down the street to the adoption agency. As we approached the building, we saw a taxi sitting in front of the building. A woman that we recognized exited the taxi…it was Zachary’s foster mother. We couldn’t believe the timing. If we hadn’t taken the wrong exit at the subway station, we would have missed them entering the building. When his foster mother saw us, she recognized us immediately. She was holding Zachary and started saying “omma” (mommy) and “appa” (daddy) to him as we walked up to them. Zachary was wearing a one piece shorts outfit and a hat. She pulled up the hat so that we could see his face. It was love at first sight for us (he was still trying to figure out who we were). We entered the building. Zachary’s foster mom went to the left on the first floor as we went up to the second floor to meet our social worker.

After telling our social worker that we had just met Zachary and his foster mother as we entered the building together, she showed us to the room where we would formally meet them and get to spend some time together. The room had two small couches with a coffee table between them. We decided to sit on the couch on the left so that the video camera had the best view of our meeting. We got everything set up, then waited impatiently for Zachary and his foster mother to enter the room.

At a few minutes after 2:00pm, our social worker came into the room with Zachary and his foster mom. We wanted to rush immediately to him, but we knew that this might be too much for him to handle. We had talked about this before our meeting. We wanted to take it slow and let him warm up to us before holding him. We wanted this to be on his terms.

After just a couple of minutes, Zachary seemed to be doing well, so our social worker suggested that his foster mom hand him to me. I took him in my arms and set him on my knee. He looked at me curiously, not sure what to make of me. Thankfully, he wasn’t scared and didn’t cry. I held him as we talked to his foster mother (through the interpretation of our social worker).

He warmed up to us very quickly, smiling and laughing in the first few minutes. After about 5 minutes, I handed him to Laura so that she could have some time with him.

The next hour is a bit of a blur. In between asking the foster mother many questions so that we could find out as much about Zachary as possible, we spent time holding Zachary and playing with him. He warmed up to us very quickly. Shortly after meeting him, he was smiling and laughing. He seemed very content with either one of us holding him.

After about an hour, we exchanged gifts with his foster mother. She seemed to really enjoy the personal gifts that we got for her and the rest of the foster family, especially the locket with pictures of Zachary. As our social worker helped her put it on, we could tell that it meant a lot to her. Zachary’s foster mother also brought a number of gifts for Zachary, including some fun Pororo items (a very popular Korean cartoon about a penguin and his friends) and some of his favorite snacks.

It had been about an hour and a half since we had met Zachary. Everything was going great. Since we didn’t have any more questions for his foster mother, we decided to start gathering up everything and head back to the hotel. Laura put on his baby carrier and we put Zachary in the front, facing her. Our social worker walked with us to the street and helped us hail a cab. She told the taxi driver where we were staying and we gave him a small card with the address (just in case he wasn’t sure).

The ride back to the hotel went very smoothly. Zachary enjoys riding in vehicles. He spent the first half of the ride with his head on a swivel, trying to take in everything as we drove along. He slowly started to close his eyes as the vehicle lulled him so sleep. It didn’t take long for him to fall into a deep, comfortable sleep.

He remained asleep for the rest of the ride and as Laura carried him to the room. We carefully placed him in his crib. He didn’t even stir. We each took a deep breath. It was hard to believe what had happened over the past two hours. We had met our son for the first time and everything had gone surprisingly smoothly. We weren’t sure if it was a sign of things to come or just the calm before the storm, but we were extremely happy that we were all finally a family.

A Visit to the Holt Reception Center

2010-06-28T18:17:00.000-04:00

Yesterday (June 27), we woke at our usual time at around 4:00am, but for a change we were able to get back to sleep and didn't wake again until 7:00am. We're slowly getting used to the time change.

We decided to explore some of the areas around the hotel earlier in the day so that we would have plenty of time to get back to our room before visiting the Holt Reception Center in the afternoon. We started our day by walking down to Namdaemun Market.

Basically, the whole neighborhood consists of shops and food vendors lined up on both sides of the street selling a variety of items.

You'll find clothing, small housewares, souveniers, and a variety of other items. The closest equivalent in the United States is a flea market, though that doesn't accurately reflect Namdaemun. The market is such a popular destination that the city estimates that close to a half million people visit this neighborhood daily. We enjoyed walking up and down the various streets, losing ourselves in the maze of vendors for a couple of hours. We weren't looking for any particular items to purchase, just doing a lot of window shopping and marveling in the experience.

As lunch time approached, we decided to leave Namdaemun and look for a good place to eat. As we left the market, we found ourselves at the base of a very unique building (some people call it the zipper building).

One of the many beauties of the city is the amazing amount of unique architecture that we've encountered. Seoul is a very modern city, much of it rebuilt since the end of the Korean War. We have thoroughly enjoyed the beauty in the old architecture as well as the new.

After a delicious lunch at a Korean burger joint (Kraze Burger), we went back to the room to cool down and relax. Feeling refreshed, we headed out to visit the Holt Reception Center. Walking up the street to the main office for Holt, we started to feel the emotions of the moments that we new would follow. We were visiting the place that has helped connect us to our son. Even though it's a non-descript building, it was a wonderful sight to us. We knew that the following day, we would be meeting Zachary in that same building.

We entered the building and asked for our social worker at Holt. A woman was walking with a little boy that looked to be about 18 months. As she directed us to the second floor, she said good-bye (in Korean) and gave us a small head bow. We returned the good-bye (also in Korean) and also bowed. Then the most adorable thing happened...the little boy also gave a small head bow. It melted our hearts. Koreans are very polite. Greetings are almost always accompanied with a bow. Even something as simple as the exchange of money is done a specific way. Money should be handed over using two hands (right hand on top), not one. It's taken a little while to get used to it, but whenever we do it, we can see that they appreciate that we are trying to follow some of their culture beliefs while visiting their country.

We found our social worker and walked with her down the street to the Holt Reception Center, located about a half mile away. When entering the Holt Reception Center, we removed our shoes and put on slippers. This is another part of the Korean culture. Shoes are traditionally removed when entering homes and many other locations. We walked into the room where Holt cares for the children. Currently there are six children (5 boys and 1 girl) that are at the reception center. Through the Internet, Laura knows two of the mothers of two of the children. We took many pictures of the children so that their parents will get a chance to see them. Pictures of the children are very precious to adoptive parents. Many adoptive parents only have a few photographs of their children (we have 5). We know that we would appreciate any additional photographs of Zachary, so we wanted to try to get as many pictures as possible to give to their parents.

When we walked into the room, the kids were eating some potatoes. We sat down on the floor with the children and started to interact with them. Some were shy and some were not. One little boy in particular was very intrigued with Laura. Over the next 10 minutes, he slowly warmed up to her, giving her some big smiles by the end of our meeting. He was an adorable little 11 month old boy that looked very similar to the son of one of the adoptive families that we know in Maryland. We found out that he currently wasn't being considered for adoption. The social worker told us that he had some medical issues when he was first born, but is very healthy now. We don't know why he isn't being considered for adoption. It broke our hearts to know that he may not find a family. If possible, we would have loved to add him to our family along with Zachary. We spent about 30 minutes with the children. It was a special time that we won't ever forget.

As we walked into the hotel after an uneventful subway ride, we happened to meet the couple from Luxembourg that was visiting to adopt their second son. They met their son that day and had them with him. It looked like he was doing great. Seeing the little boy made us think about what our next day would be like. In less than 24 hours, we would be with Zachary. It was a good feeling and a nice end to the day.

Liquid Sunshine

2010-06-28T01:45:00.000-04:00

Sunday morning (June 26th), we woke up at 4am unable to sleep. We were still battling a little jet lag. It's tough trying to adjust to a 13 hour time difference, so I've decided to use that time in the morning to update the blog and make sure I'm capturing as many of our experiences as possible. It's working well, so I'll try to keep up with the routine. I know that if I don't update the blog daily, I may never get around to writing it down.

Actually our morning started even earlier than 4am. We both fell asleep early the night before. We wanted to see the South Korea world cup match which didn't start until 11pm, but new that there was no way we would be able to stay awake. A little after midnight, we were awakened by noise as we heard people cheering on the Korean team. We turned on the television to see what was happening and ended up staying up for the next hour watching the rest of the game. Unfortunately South Korea lost in a very close match. The whole time we have been here, the South Koreans have been very excited about their soccer team. There are red shirts everywhere. They even closed off several blocks around city hall where hundreds of thousands of people watched the game on the big screens. We really would have loved to experience this, but knew there was no way we would be able to deal with that much excitement late at night.

When we awoke the second time in the morning (at 4am), we flipped on the television and watched the US world cup match too. It was another tough loss, just like South Korea. Only after watching both games did we realize that if both teams had won, they would have played each other just a few hours after we arrive back in the US with Zachary. That would have been a fun match to watch together.

The weather forecast for our day in South Korea wasn't good (rain) so we decided to go visit some indoor sites. We decided to use the subway. The subway system in Seoul is huge, clean, and very efficient system. For the most part, it's very easy to use. The system has both Korean and English throughout. You can choose to purchase a card for single use between two destinations or a charge card that you can load specific denominations of money that can be recharged as necessary. Since we were new at using the subway, we decided to start out using the single use card. They machines that dispense the cards have English instructions, so getting the cards was a simple process that we completed in about 2 minutes. We walked to the entrance where you scan your card, but couldn't figure out how to enter our card to get through the gate. After passing our card over multiple areas of the machine, Laura realized that we were supposed to place the card on top of the machine in order to pass through the gate. We walked down to the loading station and encountered our next small confusion...we had to figure out which direction we needed to travel. There are clear signs everywhere, but we knew that if we hopped on a train without ensuring we were going in the correct direction, we wouldn't end up at our final destination. We took our time, making sure that we understood the correct direction to travel in order to connect to catch the next train. We caught the next train without a problem.

At our transfer point, we got a little confused because there were two different loading areas instead of one. In order to get to our loading station ended up exiting the subway system, so we had to get another single use card. The rest of the subway ride to COEX went off without a hitch.

When we arrived at COEX, we met up with Laura's friend Barbara and her niece Hayley. They were the ones that we had met the previous day in Insadong. COEX is the largest underground mall in Asia. To say it is huge is an understatement. In addition to stores and restaurants, there is an aquarium, movie theater, and kimchi museum. We just wandered around without any real plan on what we wanted to see. We checked out a few shops to see if we could find a some small Pororo items for Zachary and found a little Pororo figure that contains a liquid for blowing bubbles. I can see us blowing bubbles in the hotel room, trying to keep him occupied.

We found the kimchi museum and decided to go inside to get a little more information about Korea's most famous food. There were some very nice displays about the history of Kimchi, how to make kimchi, and various other pickled foods that can be found around the world.

There was also an area where we could sample various varieties of Kimchi. At the end of the museum, we noticed a couple of children's books (translated in English) of Korean folk tales. The artwork was beautiful, so we decided to get them to share with Zachary as he grows.

After exiting the museum, we continued to explore the mall, making our way back towards where we started. It was around lunch time, so we decided to find a place to eat. Since Hayley wanted to have pizza, we decided to go to Pizza Hut. We heard they had some unique varieties of pizza and wanted to give it a try. We decided to try the bulgogi pizza. It had bulgogi meat (beef that has been marinated) with sweet peppers, onions, and mushrooms. It was very good.

Having seen enough of the mall, we decided to walk around outside a little. It was still cloudy and humid, but the rain had stopped. We visited a Hyundai Department Store, thinking it would be a good place to find inexpensive items. Instead, we found that department stores in Korea tend to contain more high end items. We browsed a couple of floors then decided to leave.

We walked to the subway, trying to decide what to see next. As we stood near the subway ticket machines, a very nice Korean gentleman came up to us and asked us if we needed any help. In many of the subway stations, there are people there to help people find their destinations on the enormous subway system. We decided that our next destination would be Lotte World. The gentleman helped us by letting us know which stop we should use. While assisting us, he asked us where we were from and why we were visiting. I told him that we were adopting a little boy. I wasn't sure what his reaction would be. I know that adoption can be a sensitive subject to some Koreans. When I told him about our adoption, his face instantly changed and you could see the gratitude in his eyes. He reached out his hand to me, shook my hand, and giving me a very heartfelt "thank-you". This wasn't the first time that we had been thanked by a Korean for adopting Zachary. It was a very touching moment in a very public place. It meant much to both of us.

We thanked the gentleman for helping us, then caught the next train to Lotte World. Lotte World is also an indoor mall that also has a hotel, ice rink, Kidzmania, and an amusement park (both indoors and outdoors). We explored the mall area which ended up being very similar to COEX. As we walked into the food court area, we noticed an open area in the distance. Thinking that it was the ice rink, we dedided to go take a look. What we found had all of us staring in awe. Below us was a huge ice rink, but above us was the large indoor amusement park covered with a glass ceiling. It was similar to a small park at Disney World, complete with rides, a stage, and a large parade. It was absolutely amazing and totally unexpected. We just stood there, trying to absorb the experience. It was very surreal for all of us.

Now that we had seen the indoor amusement park, we wanted to take a look at the outdoor one. After a few wrong turns, we finally made our way outside and found it. It looks like a small version of the Magic Kingdom at Disney World, complete with a castle.

If we hadn't been so tired from all the walking, we probably would have gone inside. Knowing our limits, we decided to head back to our hotels and call it a day. We grabbed a bite to eat at Seoul Station, bought a few items of food at the Lotte Mart, and went back to the room.

It was a very nice second day in Seoul. After seeing some historical sites the previous day, we were able to enjoy some more modern experiences. We've enjoyed both. The last two days have been filled with excitement and amazing experiences in Seoul. Who knows what the next few days hold for us.

Seoul City Tour

2010-06-26T18:58:00.001-04:00

Yesterday (June 26th) we spent our first full day in Seoul. Other than our city tour, we didn't have anything else planned for the day. Always trying to be as prepared as possible, I plugged in our camera battery into the outlet to make sure we had a full charge for day and went through the camera bag to make sure we had everything we needed. I didn't want to miss capturing any of the day's moments.

After having breakfast and finishing our preparations, we went down to the lobby of the hotel to meet our tour guide. As we stood there waiting, we noticed a family and their child waiting in the same area. They kept glancing at us, then came over to talk. They asked us if we were from Norway. We said "no", and they walked away. After a few more minutes, we decided to go talk to them to find out why they asked us if we were from Norway. It turns out that they were also doing the city tour and for some reason thought that the other couple doing the tour (that's us) were from Norway. The couple was from Luxembourg. They adopted their 1st son from Korea when he was 4 months old (he is now 5) and were adopting their 2nd son on Monday. Because there were two families, we had two tour guides.

Instead of taking the subway to our first destination, we decided to take a taxi to make it easier. We originally planned to take two taxis, but were fortunate when we found a taxi van that was just big enough for all eight of us. As we drove through the city, we saw two statues with a beautiful backdrop of the mountains in the distance. I pulled out my camera to take a few pictures. I turned on the camera, but nothing happened. As I flipped the on/off switch trying to figure out what was wrong, it dawned on me that I left the camera battery back at the hotel room. I had a sinking feeling that I wasn't going to be able to capture any photos of our tour. Lesson number 1...always double check that you have everything you need before leaving the hotel. Then I remembered that our video camera can also take snapshots just like a digital camera. I pulled out the video camera and started playing around with it trying to figure out how to take pictures with it. Lesson number 2...understand your equipment before going on vacation. Thankfully the video camera is very easy to use, so I was able to capture a couple of pictures very quickly.

Our first destination was Gyeongbokgong Palace and the National Folk Museum of Korea, located in the same area. As we walked onto the palace grounds, we were in awe at the beauty of the setting. The buildings and grounds were framed with a backdrop of rocky mountains covered in lush vegetation. It was everything we had hoped it would be and more. First we toured a couple of the exhibits at the National Folk Museum. We split apart from the other family and went inside with Miae, our personal tour guide for the day. We walked through the "Korean Way of Life" and "Life Cycle of Koreans". Both exhibits had excellent information and displays. We were able to gain a small piece of understanding of the Korean history and way of life. Miae did a great job adding additional information while we also began to get to know each other.

After visiting the museum, we exited onto the palace grounds. We spent the next hour walking through the grounds, enjoying the beautiful surroundings. We learned that the palace buildings are not the originals. After the reign of the last Queen, many of the buildings were destroyed or moved during the Japanese occupation. The location of the palace, it's buildings, and gates all have a significance to the Koreans. The original layout was aligned in a north/south orientation and built in it's location based on the convergence of air and water. There is a Korean word for this convergence, but I can't remember the term. When the Japanese occupation ended, Korea moved or rebuilt the palace buildings in their original (current) location.

After the tour of the palace grounds, we walked to Insadong. This neighborhood is known for it's shops and restaurants. It is what many consider a traditional Korean market.

As we slowly walked along the main street, we tried to soak in all the sights, smells, and sounds of our surroundings. It was wonderful and like nothing we had ever experienced. The crowds were small as we walked through shops and viewed the items sold by the street vendors. Miae took us down a side street with several restaurants so that we could figure out a good place to have lunch. Since we had already had Korean food many times in the United States, we wanted to get the full experience in Korea to see how it compares. She took us to a restaurant that is enjoyed by the locals. The inside was decorated almost exclusively in wood. It seemed very old and rustic...the perfect place to have lunch. Miae recommended a specific meal that consisted of at least 2 dozen different small dishes that are brought to the table and shared by everybody. I can't accurately describe everything we had, so here are a few pictures that show what we had.

The food was delicious. Miae seemed amazed that we tried everything and enjoyed it so much. Having a basic familiarity with Korean food made the meal very special. I know we'll always compare all Korean food to this one experience.

After lunch, we headed back to the main street in Insadong to do a little shopping. We had found a small shop that made name chops. A name chop is basically a rectangular block of material that is decorated and has a stamp on one end with somebody's name etched in it. We found one that had a basic scene of Korean hills on the side and had them etch Zachary's Korean name as the stamp. While walking around the shopping area, Laura noticed a woman that she thought looked familiar to her. We have a running joke that whenever we travel, Laura always sees somebody she knows. From a small town on the coast of Maine to a large city, it seems like once a trip she will see somebody she recognizes. Sure enough, it happened again. The woman she saw was an adoptive mother that she met online who was travelling to Korea to adopt her second child. In a city of millions, Laura happened to see somebody she knew. It was a little bizarre, but not totally unexpected.

We continued to walk through Insadong, picking up a few small souveniers including a silk painting of a Korean countryside and a Pororo DVD for Zachary. Pororo is a very popular cartoon in Korea. Pororo is a penguin and lives in a village with his animal friends including a polar bear, beaver, and dinosaur. We found an English version that he'll be able to enjoy as he grows.

We left Insadong and made our way to Cheonggyecheon Stream. It's a man made stream in the heart of the city that gives you the feeling that your not in the city even though you're surrounding by large buildings. It's a wonderful mix of rural and urban in a small area. It's a very popular destinations for Koreans to relax and enjoy the peaceful sounds of the water.

After relaxing beside the stream, we walked back towards the two statues on the main street at the beginning of the tour. The area is called Gwanghwamun Square. The statues are of Admiral Yi Sun Shin and King Sejong the Great (King of the Choseon dynasty). We said our good-byes to Miae, exchanged information so that we can keep in contact with her, and grabbed a taxi back to the hotel. When we arrived back in the room, we realized that we forgot to give her the gift that we brought from Maryland. Laura contacted her through facebook and we're planning on seeing her again so that we can give her the gift. Maybe we'll even be able to introduce her and Zachary.

It has only been one day, but I can say that we both love Seoul. It's an amazing city with a juxtoposition of the old and the new. We feel at home here. We can't wait to see what the next day will bring.

Seoul Bound

2010-06-25T18:37:00.001-04:00

At 4:30am we woke up in our hotel room with our minds racing. We're still a little tired, but the jet lag and time difference won't let us get back to sleep, so I'll step back 24 hours (or was it 36 hours with the time change???) and recount our trip to Seoul.

Wednesday night we were up well past midnight getting everything ready for the trip. As we lay down for sleep, we talked about how things would be changing for us very soon. Our anticipation was high and we were surprisingly calm. Normally Laura gets a little antsy before a flight, but not this time. She said she that it was surprising her that she wasn't "freaking out" (which in turn freaks her out a little). I told her it's because things are right in the world with us and Zachary. We're on the path that we're supposed to be travelling.

We left the house on time Thursday morning and headed to the airport. The drive was uneventful. Thankfully traffic wasn't a problem. As we got near the airport, what started out as a wrong turn ended up working perfectly as we found ourselves at the daily parking garage closest to the airport. We were able to park in a covered area (great for keeping the car temperature lower when we're coming out of the airport with Zachary) plus we didn't have to wait for a shuttle because we had access to the underground walkway that kept us out of the heat. So far, everything was going as planned.

Check-in at the Korean Air terminal took about 15 minutes. Because we got our tickets at the last minute, it looked like we may have to sit apart for the flight. We asked the man assisting us if he could give us seats together. He was able to come up with excellent bulkhead seating (which is what we hope to have for the return flight). After a smooth check-in and quick trip through airport security, we were at the terminal and ready to go with plenty of time to spare.

We boarded the plane and left the terminal on time. As we approached the runway, the plane stopped on the taxiway. An announcement came over the system...we were in a temporary delay due to weather conditions along our initial flight path. We didn't have storms near us, but I was worried that they might roll in before we got off the ground. After a delay of approximately 30 minutes, we received another announcement...the flight would depart in 5 minutes (we breathed a huge sigh of relief).

Other than the flight delay, the weather had secondary impact on our flight. We had to divert our flight path to bypass the storm. Originally we were supposed to fly towards the northwest. Instead we had to fly towards New Jersey before flying north then working our way towards the northwest. Our new flight path brought us over Canada, Russia, and China.

The services on the flight were excellent. We had a very nice video on demand system at each seat. There was a great choice of movies, music, games, and audiobooks. This really helped make the long flight pass quickly. Also, the food was very good. For our first meal, Laura enjoyed a meal of bi bim bap (it was excellent) while I had the beef dish. Later in the flight Laura had a dish similar to chicken parmesan and I had a pasta dish. The flight attendants also did a great job of coming around with water, juice, and soda throughout the flight to help us stay hydrated during the long, dry flight.

During the flight, we had Zachary's little photo album opened to his most recent pictures. Several of the flight attendants commented on his photos, giving us a chance to share our story. The flight attendants were great with all the kids on the flight. I'm sure he's going to get a lot of attention when we return home.

After 14 hours in the air, we landed at Incheon airport. The airport is about 20 miles west of Seoul. It was built 10 years ago, so it's very modern and efficient. Signs were in Hangeul and English, making it very easy to get through immigrations, get our bags, and walk through customs. As we left the customs area, our van driver was waiting for us with a "Townsend" sign. He had parked very close to the terminal, so we didn't have to wait long to get on the road.

Most of the drive into Seoul was on a highway. We sat back and tried to take in all the new sights along the way. We passed a mix of urban areas interspersed with lush green rolling hills and rivers. As we approached Seoul, our driver exited the highway and drove us by the Holt International offices. Holt is the Korean adoption agency that we're working through. In just a few days we'll be back at the office to meet Zachary for the first time.

The remainder of the drive to our hotel gave us a glimpse of the city. It's an amazing mix of old and new...often side by side. Small markets stand beside modern buildings with bright signs. It was a little overwhelming to our exhausted minds, but we're excited to get out and explore it.

Our van driver dropped us off at our hotel (Hilton Millennium) at the base of Mount Namsan. At the top of the mountain is the Seoul Tower which we plan on visiting to get a good view of the city. Our good fortune continued at check-in as we got a free upgrade to the executive floor. We're still not sure why, but it was a very welcome surprise. Included with our room are complimentary breakfasts every morning. This will be very convenient when Zachary's with us so that we have one less thing to worry about.

We closed out our evening by taking a short walk near the hotel then grabbing a bite to eat. As we stood looking out our hotel window at the beautiful city lights with the Seoul Tower in the background, we were thankful that the first leg of our trip had gone so well. We were exhausted but content. We knew that many adventures awaited us over the coming week.

Travel Call

2010-06-22T22:29:00.000-04:00

Yesterday (June 21st) we received the call that we've been awaiting since we first received Zachary's referral...we have been approved to travel to South Korea to adopt our son. It took a little longer than we originally expected (5 1/2 months), but we're grateful that we're very close to seeing Zachary for the first time.

On Thursday (June 24th), we depart for Seoul, South Korea. We'll spend a couple of days sightseeing in Seoul, then on Tuesday at 10:00am we will meet Zachary for the first time.

Even though our son is half a world away, he has been in our hearts from the first day we saw his photograph. We love him dearly even though we haven't met him. In less than a week we will finally bridge the divide that has separated us and welcome him into our arms.

The Incomplete Nursery

2010-06-13T18:09:00.000-04:00

This will be a post heavy on photos and light on words.

The most important news is that we are very, very close to our travel call. Last Friday, Laura received a call from our social worker. When families are this close to traveling, they are always expecting that a call from a social worker may be "the call" saying that they can travel. The social workers at our agency are sensitive to this, so they let us know right away whether it's "the call" or not. When Laura picked up the phone our social worker started by saying, "This isn't the call". This wasn't the news that she wanted to hear. Our social worker had called to let us know that we needed to complete an additional piece of paperwork (Class B Waiver). Basically, the waiver is to acknowledge that Zachary had a medical condition at birth. This was something we already new about and had been corrected surgically, but we had to sign a form stating that we were already aware of the medical condition. Unfortunately, the form had to be signed in person and notarized at our adoption agency in Baltimore. We were told that if the form was completed before 2:00pm, it would go out with their normal courier delivery. Otherwise it would have to wait until next week. Not wanting any additional delays, Laura called me at work to let me know. I rushed home from work and we drove up to Baltimore, arriving with 1 hour to spare before the courier arrived.

When signing our paperwork, the associate administrator gave us some good news...she handed us a copy of his medical examination for immigration. Up until that point, we didn't know that Zachary had completed his physical. The physical is normally the final step before a child is allowed to travel. It sounds like the physical is what generated the need for the Class B Waiver. When the Class B Waiver arrives in Korea and is added to his paperwork, that should complete everything. We estimate that we'll receive the travel call this coming week or early the following week. We'll be cutting it close, but we should be home with Zachary just in time for his first birthday.

Now for the photos...

We've been getting many questions about Zachary's nursery. Everybody was interested in seeing how we decided to decorate. Over the past several months, we slowly worked together to get it just right, pouring all our love into his room. From top to bottom, we did a total makeover. Here are the results...

Jungle Theme with Yellow and Green Walls

East meets West: Korean Lantern and Quote from Winnie the Pooh

Quilt Won at 2009 Adoption Picnic

We Can't Wait to Read Him Stories

Artwork from Laura's Childhood

America and Korea (flip it over to see the difference)

The nursery turned out even better than we had hoped, but the room is still incomplete...it's missing our son Zachary. We're hopeful that in a couple of weeks he'll be home with us and the nursery will be complete.

"Have you heard anything yet?"

2010-05-25T21:00:00.001-04:00

"Have you heard anything yet?"

This is the most common phrase we've heard over the last few months. When I wrote our last blog update, I thought that we were within a month of getting the call to travel to Korea, but little did we know that everything wouldn't go as expected.

Since our baby shower, much has changed. First, Laura had her last day at work. When we received our referral for Zachary, we starting discussing how much longer Laura would remain at work. We knew that at some point we would receive our travel call and would have to quickly drop everything to travel to Korea. Knowing that Laura wouldn't have enough time to give her two week notice after our travel call, she decided that she would decide on her final day of work in advance so that we would be able to travel as quickly as possible once we received our travel call. She had her last day of work on April 10th. It was a difficult time for her because she loved her job very much, but knowing that we would soon be united with our son helped reduce the pain of her loss.

Shortly after Laura had her last day of work, we had to deal with our second loss...we had to say good-bye to our precious cat Critter. At almost 21 years old, Critter had a great life and brought us immense joy and happiness. Two years earlier we said good-bye to our other cat, Gizmo (nearly 19 years old). We never thought that Critter would survive her by 2 years. We were thankful for each additional day we had with her, but still miss her and her sister very much.

Critter

Gizmo

After a tough month of two losses and continued adoption delays, it became more and more difficult to hear the words..."Have you heard anything yet?". We knew that people were asking us this question because they loved us and wanted more than anything for us to be with our son. Even though it wasn't always easy to hear those words, we knew that we had the love and support of all our friends and family that would help carry us through.

Despite our losses and setbacks, we continued to remain positive and decided to start our "mini adoption journey" as we waited for news about Zachary. We knew that at some point we would want to have pets again, but we originally thought that we would wait until Zachary was home before adopting a pet. As the days went by, we knew something was missing from our empty home. There was no way we could replace Critter and Gizmo, but there was room in our hearts for other pets. We slowly started looking for a new addition to our family. After searching, we decided that we wanted to adopt a sibling pair. We found two beautiful female cats. Here are the newest additions to our family (Zachary's furry little sisters).

Maggie

Sophie

Though much had changed over the past two months, one item had remained the same..."we haven't heard anything yet". But finally that changed today. After a wait that was longer than expected, we finally received some great news. Today we were notified by our social worker that the Emigration Permit (EP) has been completed for Zachary. I won't go into details about the EP, but basically it means that he is very close to receiving approval from the Korean government to travel. Our social worker told us that we can expect to travel in 2-4 weeks.

After many months of hearing the words "Have you heard anything yet?", we're finally able to say "yes". We know that there are only a few weeks separating us from our son. The first part of our adoption journey is almost at an end. Before we know it, we'll be meeting our son for the first time, holding him in our arms, and bringing him home.

After that, the parenting journey begins. We can't wait!!!

An Early Shower For An Early Flower?

2010-03-23T23:49:00.001-04:00

As the saying goes, "April showers bring May flowers". In our case, we're hoping that a March shower may bring an April flower...our son Zachary.

On Sunday, March 21st, we had our baby shower. It was a wonderful day that we won't soon forget. But before I describe the day, I'm going to go back a few months to set the stage.

Shortly after we received our referral for Zachary, Laura and I started talking about what we would like to do for our baby shower. Our dear friend Candy had already told us that she wanted to plan our baby shower, so we didn't have to worry about anything. Very quickly, we decided that we didn't want to have a traditional baby shower. Since our adoption of Zachary was the beginning of our family, we wanted to celebrate this by having a baby shower that I call a "family style" baby shower. We decided that we didn't want our baby shower to include just women or be a couple's baby shower. We chose to have a baby shower with families...women, men, and children.

After deciding on the type of baby shower, we started searching for the perfect baby invitation. We chose an invitation that was a cross between a baby shower invitation and a baby announcement. The invitation wasn't just a way to invite people to the shower; it was a way for us to introduce our son to the family and friends that we love. The invitation included a magnet with a picture of Zachary sitting in his bumbo seat (taken at 5 1/2 months) and the following wording:

Zachary Holden Se-hun Townsend

Born July 9, 2009 in Seoul, South Korea

A little boy born in a far away land,

God has chosen us to hold his hand.
Our new little boy has so much love to share

a little blessing forever in our care.

Join us in a couples baby shower for

Daniel & Laura Townsend

Sunday, March 21st, 2010 (2:00– 4:00 p.m.)

Hampshire Neighborhood Center

6006 Hampshire Circle

Waldorf, MD 20603

Hosted by Candy & Jason Vestal

RSVP to Candy by March 7th

* Children are welcome *

Once the invitations were sent, all we had to do was wait for the special day to arrive. We knew the baby shower was in capable hands with Candy and her family of helpers. Over the coming weeks, she started receiving responses. She kept most of the responses a secret so that we would be surprised when everybody arrived at the shower. About a week before the shower, Laura started to wonder if her parents might try to surprise us by arriving even though they said they weren't able to make it. She knew that her dad said that he had to work that weekend, but she began to suspect that she wasn't getting the truth. She talked to them several times during the week and they continued to deny that they would be at the shower. The Friday before the shower, I received a call from Laura's dad. He asked me what we were doing that evening. Now I was starting to wonder if they were planning something. At this point, my curiosity overcame my good senses. I decided to do some online research to see if the story that her parents told us really checked out. I found that the reasons that Laura's dad gave for not being able to attend the shower were not true. I told Laura. I won't go into all the details of the next 24 hours, but in the end her parents and brother showed up at our house on Saturday afternoon. Their plan had been to show up at the shower and surprise us. Unfortunately, I ruined that surprise.

Now that Laura's parents were here, we decided to make the most of our time together. Since it was late in the afternoon, we started to discuss going out for supper. I'm not sure who made the suggestion, but it was decided that we should go to a Korean restaurant. Laura's parents had never tried Korean food, so we wanted their first experience to be a positive one. We chose to eat at Han Gang in Annandale, Virginia. Laura and I had been there several times and always enjoyed our meals. Since it was her parent's first time eating Korean food, we suggested that we all share a Korean barbecue...a good introduction to Korean cuisine for people that want to start slowly. We chose several meats including bulgogi (marinated thinly sliced beef) and galbi (beef short ribs). While the waitress was cooking the meats at our table we also had a variety of panchan (a variety of small dishes of food) including the most famous dish in Korea...kimchi (spicy fermented cabbage). Laura's parents were very open to trying all of the foods. Their favorite was the bulgogi. We had a nice evening and were happy to share a little bit of Zachary's culture with Laura's family.

We awoke on Sunday morning to a beautiful sunny day...a perfect day for a baby shower. The shower was at 2:00pm. We gathered up everything we needed for the shower and headed over to our community center about 30 minutes early to get ready. When we walked in, we were both overcome with emotions. Candy and her family had done a great job setting up the room. I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.

Table at the room entrance (everybody signed the mat around his picture)

Table decorations

Notice the small cards containing words written in English and Hangul

The cake table (including a couple of photos of us)

Close-up of the cake

Gift tables

The baby shower started a little late (we couldn't help mingling with everybody). Candy kicked things off by welcoming everybody. Next, we got to enjoy some great food. We had sandwiches, chips, meatballs, macaroni and cheese, fruit salad, vegetables, and home-made punch. Laura and I ate first then made our way around to all the tables to get our pictures taken with everybody. After that, we started opening our gifts. As you can see from the pictures above, we have very generous family and friends. We received many cute outfits, fun toys, and practical items too. It was a great mix. There were also a number of cards that had some special messages that brought tears to our eyes on more than one occasion. In particular, my sister, her husband, our nieces and nephew sent us a hand-made card with the following poem...

Family Tree

We've add to our family tree,

a stronger one to make...

A child from another plant,

has become our new namesake.

Just as a limb is grafted

from one tree to another...

It alters and improves the plant,

making it uniquely, like no other.

Our family tree has been improved,

adoption made this so...

For love, much more than bloodlines,

makes us thrive and grow.

You chose to share your life and love,

and all the joys to come...

Our "Family Tree" has blossomed,

with the arrival of your son!

It took us quite a while to open the presents, so at 3:30 we took a little break to play a quick game. Candy handed out a piece of paper to everybody and asked people to correctly spell Zachary's Korean first name. To our surprise, 7 people got it right. We were impressed that so many people not only knew his Korean name, but were also able to spell it correctly. For the record, his Korean name (and the name we will use for his second middle name) is Se-hun. The shower ended around 4:15 as we gave our tearful thanks to everybody.

It was a very special day that was everything we hoped it would be and more. As we sort through the gifts and finish getting his room ready, we realize that we are another step closer to traveling to be with our son. We're hoping that our wonderful March shower will bring us our little April flower.

Two Whirlwind Months

2010-03-07T15:22:00.001-05:00

Just over two months ago, we received our referral for Zachary. I intended on updating the blog with the latest information, but it always seemed like there was something more important that needed to be done. I'm sure all of the parents reading this will tell me it's great practice for what is to come...too much to do and not enough time to do it all. A few days ago we received updated information on Zacharay so I figured it was time to get everything down in writing as soon as possible.

After receiving our referral, we scheduled a meeting with our social worker to discuss what we had to do for the next phase of the adoption. We met with her on January 15th. The majority of the meeting was used to explain the next round of adoption paperwork that we would need to complete. We also talked about some of the things we would need to do when we bring Zachary home (for example, writing status reports and a visit to our home from our social worker). After the meeting, we knew that our first priority was to get our paperwork completed as quickly as possible so that it wouldn't slow down the process of bringing Zachary home. While the paperwork wasn't as extensive as the initial adoption paperwork, there was still much to do. To give you an idea of what we had to do, here's a list of the primary documents that we had to complete:

Acknowledgement of Child Information (acknowledgement that we received specific informaiton about Zachary)
Adoption Placement Agreement (list of policies and items that we agree to abide by in order to proceed with the adoption)
Parent Escort Travel Form (statement that we intend to travel to Korea and escort Zachary home)
Statement of Adoption (statement that we intend to adopt Zachary...this is used to assist with the issuance of his emigration passport)
I-864 Affidavit of Support (form filed with Citizenship and Immigration Service (CIS) that is used to sponsor Zachary's immigration)
Birth Certificates and Marriage Certificate
Tax Returns
I-600 Visa Petition (form filed with CIS to classify Zachary as an immediate relative)

We were able to complete the paperwork quickly and send it off. The majority of the paperwork was sent back to the adoption agency. We also had to send some of the paperwork to CIS for processing.

Even though we had a lot of paperwork to complete, we still had many other things we wanted to do. Most important to us was sending a small care package to Zachary and his foster family. As soon as we received his referral, we knew we wanted to send him a few special items that he could enjoy and be his first connection to us. After much searching, we came up with the following items...

An infant photo book that contained photos of us, Critter, the house, and Zachary
A small stuffed moose (a little touch of Maine) with rattle and teething rings
A fleece blanket that matches the bedding in his room
Two disposable cameras (with the hope that we'll get some photos of him and his foster family)
A beautify book of watercolor images of the DC area for his foster family

We sent his care package out on February 1st with the hope that he would get it in a few weeks. Laura even made sure she had a tracking number to follow it's progress. Unfortunately, there was a problem with the information provided by the post office so the tracking number was invalid. We had to hope that the package would get there safely. It took over a month to find out the status of the package, but I'll save that story for later in the post.

With our receipt of Zachary's referral, we realized that we had to get on the ball and get his nursery put together. We had already ordered his furniture (see earlier post) and received a call from Great Beginnings that the furniture was ready for deliver. Before they delivered everything, we wanted to make sure that we cleaned all of the "junk" out of his room so that we could get it painted. We decided to go with two wall colors with the facing wall sharing the same color. We took his bedding with us to the local Lowes store to make sure we got the exact colors that we wanted. We settled on "dusty yellow" and "guacamole". We brought home all the supplies and over the next week, we spent most of our free time getting the room ready. I started by putting a fresh coat of white paint on the ceiling and installing a ceiling fan. After that, Laura and I worked together putting down a coat of primer than two coats of paint on each wall. We finished up by repainting the closet doors, room door, and window trim. We completed it near the end of January, just in time for his furniture to be delivered on February 3rd. Now we're working on all the final decorating to make his room is extra special. Once that's done, I'll update the blog with photos.

Amidst all the happiness of getting everything ready for Zachary, there was also a tiny bit of sadness. A while ago, Laura and I talked about whether she would like to go back to work or not after we bring Zachary home. Because our journey towards parenthood has been a long one, we knew that we wanted to be there as much as possible to experience every part of Zachary's life. After discussing it in depth, we decided that the best choice for us as a family was for Laura to be a stay-at-home mom. At the end of January, she decided that her last day at work would be April 10th. It was a bittersweet moment when she gave her notice to her district manager. Even though she was sad that she was losing a job that she had loved for over 8 years, she knew she was gaining so much more with our son.

As the reality of the referral continued to sink in, we realized that there were a lot of items that we would need in order to take care of Zachary when we bring him home. We made several visits to a couple of baby stores and did a lot of research in our Baby Bargains book so that we could figure out what we needed. We had a lot of fun registering for all the essentials (and also some fun items) as we imagined what it would be like to have Zachary with us. At the same time, our close friend Candy started planning for our family baby shower that will take place in just two weeks on March 21st.

During the last two months, we also received a couple of updates that provide information about Zachary's development. In some ways it can be sad to see this information because we know we're not there to witness and share in all of his progress, but it also brings us so much joy to read about his accomplishments. Each report is another connection between us. The first report was written on January 15th. It started out with information about his height (24 inches) and weight (17.2 pounds) from late December. His development is going well. Here are some of the more interesting comments:

Lifts up chest lightly if laid on tummy and pushes around the entire room
Sits up briefly if helped to sit but falls sideways soon
Keeps standing with good force in legs if helped to stand and tries to bounce up and down
Laughs and giggles when he feels good
Recognizes his bottle and likes (that's evident based on the pictures of our chubby little man)
Does not sleep deeply during the day and frets before going to sleep (this may be our biggest challenge when he comes home)

The second report was written on Laura's birthday (February 18th) when he had his well baby check-up. He had grown to 25 1/4 inches and gained a little over 2 pounds to 19.4 pounds. He's still eating well, drinking 6 ounces every 3 hours plus enjoying Gerber baby food and rice. His development continues to remain on track for his age. For his gross motor skills, he rolling over, crawling, sitting alone, pulling to a standing position, and walking with the support of furniture. It sounds like he's already very mobile, so I'm sure we'll be chasing him all around the house. He also responds when he hears his name and enjoys playing peek-a-boo. His language skills are also progressing. He says single syllables, imitates speech sound, and can say dada and mama.

On top of the updates, we also received another photo of him. As I said earlier, we sent a care package to him at the beginning of February. When we received his photo, we knew that the care package was received because the picture was of him, his foster mother (this was our first chance to see a picture of her), and his "exploration" of the items in the package.

The first thing we noticed in the picture was the wonderful smile of his foster mother. You can just see the pride and happiness in her face. I know that when we travel to Korea and she has to say good-bye to Zachary, it's going to be an extremely emotional time for everybody.

Our experience of the past two months closed out last week as we attended our monthly PIPs meeting and also celebrated a Korean holiday. The PIPs meeting was last Tuesday (March 2nd). Prior to the meeting, we attended a Korea travel meeting that was led by several families who had recently traveled to pick up their children. They shared a wealth of information about what they learned including airline reservations, places to stay, and the experience of meeting their child for the first time. After the travel meeting, we had our regular PIPs meeting. We started out be welcoming home three children (2 from Korea and 1 from China). It was extra special for us because one of the couples lives close to us and we've quickly become good friends with them. It was great getting to see little John for the first time. The final part of the meeting was a presentation about adoption lifebooks. A lifebook is a book that you put together to share with your child to explain his/her adoption story. It's meant to be a private book that contains information about the child's birth, birth parents, country of birth, and other information about their adoption story. The focus of the book is on the child's story, not the adoptive parents story. The lifebook helps the child to understand their personal adoption story and gives them a sense of identity, showing them that their life didn't just start when they were adopted.

We ended up this week as we celebrated the Lunar New Year at a local Korean church. The celebration was supposed to occur in February but was rescheduled to yesterday due to the blizzard we experienced in February. It ended up being a perfect day. We decided to invite Laura's brother so that we could share a little bit of the Korean culture with him. The celebration was organized by a group called Korean Focus. The group promotes Korean culture with a focus on the Korean-American and adoptive family communities in the Washington DC area.

As soon as we arrived, we felt right at home. There were many adoptive families with Korean born children. We could imagine what it will be like when we bring Zachary in future years. We started by mingling with everybody, getting to know some of the families. Zachary quickly became the topic of discussion as Laura shared her "brag book" with his photos. Even Uncle Pat got involved as he kept suggesting that we share Zachary's pictures with anybody that was interested. It was wonderful experiencing the joy and excitement of family, friends, and total strangers. It's amazing to have so much support.

We enjoyed some Korean food for lunch, then went to watch the opening ceremonies which included both the Korean and American national anthems, a Korean traditional fan dance, and a Korean pop music dance performance. After the opening ceremonies, we decided to explore all of the activities that were offered. We learned about Sebae which is a New Year's bow that is performed to elders to show respect. A little 3 year old girl dressed in a traditional hanbok performed the bow and wished us a happy new year (speaking in Korean). She was so cute!!! After that, we went to see Korean calligraphy. We told them our American names and they wrote them for us in Hangul (the Korean alphabet). We also asked them to write Zachary's Korean name (Se-hun) which led us to sharing his pictures with a Korean woman. When she saw him, she got very emotional and thanked us repeatedly for sharing the pictures with her. As she handed the pictures back to Laura, she bowed, kissed the photo book, and thanked us. We could tell it really meant a lot to her. We're not sure if she had a previous experience with adoption or if she was just thankful that a child of her heritage was going to be loved and cared for. It was a very emotional moment that we didn't expect to experience but will always remember.

As you can see, the last two two months have been filled with wonderful chaos. We continue to stay busy getting ready for the big changes that will come and hope that in another two months we'll be travelling to see Zachary to bring him home.

A Quick Update

2010-01-11T19:08:00.004-05:00

Just when we thought it couldn't get any better, we got an email from our adoption agency with the title "Picture of your little one". We had requested to get the originals of his birth pictures, so originally we thought that's what it was. When we saw that there was only one file attached, we started to hope that it might be a new picture. Sure enough, it was a picture taken in the past month. Here he is...

We're definitely biased, but to us he's the most beautiful baby boy in the world!!!

The Happiest New Year

2010-01-10T11:32:00.007-05:00

Originally I thought this post would be just a "normal" update about what's happened to us during the holiday season. We thought we still had many months ahead of us before we were matched with a child, but instead we received the best news we could have hoped for at the beginning of the year...we received the referral of our son. This was a huge shock that has us both extremely excited. I can't find the right words to express our happiness. It's still sinking in.

The week started out a little rocky. Late Sunday afternoon, our furnace stopped working. It was a cold day for southern Maryland (highs around freezing), so I hoped we had just tripped a circuit. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. I called a repairman, but he couldn't get here until Monday morning. We pulled out a space heater, turned on a bunch of lights, and started the oven for a while to help generate heat. This kept the temperature steady, but we turned everything off when we went to bed just to be safe. By the time we woke up, it was in the 50s. Thankfully, the fix was quick and easy. A fuse inside the furnace had blown because of a loose wire. The repairman got everything going quickly and by the end of the day the house was back to a normal temperature.

Because of the problems with the furnace, I decided to stay home from work. As I was running around town doing errands, I received a call in the truck from a number I didn't recognize. It was our social worker. We had our monthly PIPS meeting planned for Tuesday, so I thought she was just calling to see if we would be there or not. She asked me if we were going to the PIPS meeting. I told her that we would be there. Then, she asked if we could come early because she wanted to talk to us. This was very unusual. She said that it "wasn't anything bad" and that she "wanted to talk to us then take things from there". She wouldn't share any additional information. Of course my first thought was that she might want to talk to us about a referral, but it just seemed too early. It had only been about 6 months since our paperwork had been sent to South Korea. Based on recent referrals, we thought it would take about a year before we received our referral.

I called Laura and let her know about the conversation. This started a very long 24 hour period where continued to run various scenarios through our heads. Was this a referral? Is there some reason she didn't tell us over the phone? Was it a referral for twins? So many thoughts ran through our heads. Needless to say, we had a very restless night of sleep.

As we drove to our meeting, we continued to talk about things. We were hopeful, but a little worried that we might not receive a referral. When we arrived at the adoption agency, our social worker wasn't ready to see us, so this added just a little more drama to the situation. We waited quietly but very impatiently. After about 30 minutes, our social worker came out and let us know she was ready to see us. As we sat down in the conference room, she set down a stack of paperwork and a couple of folders. She started by asking us a few questions then handed us paperwork that provided more information about a little boy that was available for adoption. It was hard to contain our emotions. We had been trying to start a family for many years with several sad experiences along the way, but all of it had led us to this one moment in time.

We went through his file, learning about his birth parents, his foster parents, and his medical history. We quickly felt a special connection. Even though we hadn't seen him we were already starting to form a bond with our son. After looking through the paperwork, our social worker asked if we would like to see pictures of him. We both answered yes immediately...we couldn't contain ourselves. As she handed us his pictures, the emotions of love overwhelmed us. This was the first time we were able to see our son. It's a moment we will never forget.

Here's the first picture that we saw. We really love seeing him stick out his tongue! It makes his picture so unique.

He was born in Seoul, South Korea on July 9, 2009. He was born 3 weeks early weighing 5 lbs, 8 oz and was 18.4 inches long. His birth mother named him Han Se-hun. In Korea, the first name is written last. Se-hun means "world merit" and is pronounced "Say-oon". His birth mother gave him his name in hope that he would grow up as a nice person contributing much to society. We feel very fortunate that his birth mother named him. It's common for the birth agency provide a name instead of the birth mother. It's great to know that he will understand how much his birth mother loved him and wished him a wonderful life. We have named him Zachary Holden Se-hun Townsend.

He had his most recent medical exam right before Christmas. He was a little over 5 months old. Everything looked great. He was described as a "cute and chubby baby". He was over 17 lbs and almost 24 inches long.

Yesterday he turned 6 months old. We decided to celebrate by going to our local Korean restaurant. Laura brought her little baby book that has his pictures (she doesn't leave home without it). She shared them with the waitress and owner. They were very happy for us. All of the reactions we've received have been overwhelmingly positive. The support has been amazing!
I'm sure that everybody is wondering when Zachary will come home. Right now we have to complete some additional paperwork. It should take about 4 months for all the loose ends to get tied up before we travel to pick him up. Right now we're hoping to travel by early May which is a great time to visit Korea. While we wait, we'll have plenty of things to do. We need to get his room ready, purchase baby items (stroller, car seat, etc.), baby proof the house, and have a baby shower. We hope that staying busy will help make the time fly by.

On a side note, we have created a photo site (http://zacharytownsend.shutterfly.com/) so that it's easier for everybody to see photos of Zachary. Right now we only have a couple of images. We don't know exactly when the photos were taken, but we believe it was some time in the first month. The images are scans, so the quality isn't very high, but we're happy to have any photos of our little boy. We're hoping that we can get the original images soon so that we can update the site with higher quality images. Also, the adoption agency in South Korea normally takes a picture at about 6 months of age, so we hope to have a more current picture soon.

Now that we have a referral and know what our son looks like, we can't wait to see him in person and bring him home. We're excited to be nearing the end of this part of our adoption journey and starting the next part with Zachary as a part of our family.

Parents in Training

2009-11-29T09:30:00.001-05:00

At the end of our last update, I mentioned that we were waiting to hear about a little boy. A few days later, we found out that he had been matched with another family. Because it had been about a month since we first showed interest, it wasn't a huge surprise that we were not his family to be. We were hopeful but realistic. This little boy wasn't meant to be part of our family, but we know that somewhere out there, our child is waiting.

We've been occupying much of our time by attending various parenting classes. Our first class was an infant and toddler child care class on Saturday, October 10th. The adventure actually started a few days prior to the class when we received a call from our social worker letting us know that the Baltimore marathon was going to be run the same day. Our normal route to the adoption agency happened to pass right through the start location of the marathon. Knowing that we wouldn't be able to drive that way, we decided to get up a little earlier and drive around to the north side of the city to bypass the race. Our alternate route worked well. We didn't have any problems getting to our class.

The class was very informative. It was taught by a nurse that is also an adoptive parent. In four hours, she went over an enormous amount of information. The primary topics included:

Physical Care (bonding, bathing, diaper changing, and sleeping)
Feeding
Medical
Safety (childproofing and car seats)

The class was an excellent overview of baby care topics with a focus on special challenges we may encounter as adoptive parents. In addition to the information we gathered in the class, we also were fortunate enough to meet a couple that also lives in southern Maryland. The majority of the couples that are adopting from Catholic Charities seem to be from central Maryland. It's nice to know that there is another family that isn't far away from us. They are a nice couple that we look forward to getting to know better.

In addition to our Saturday class, we also decided to take a series of classes covering parenting skills. For 6 consecutive Wednesday evenings, we drove to Baltimore to attend the "Hurricanes to Hugs" classes. We were taught a systematic approach to raising children using a proven parenting style. There was too much information to cover in this blog, but basically the training covered a step-by-step technique that parents can use for child development. The steps are...

Empathy (identify feelings, needs, and messages behind a child's words and behaviors)
Personal Message (communicate adult's feelings and expectations to the child in respectful and productive manner)
Structuring (break down problems into manageable steps, anticipate obstacles, and develop plan to reach goals)
Reinforcement (increase desired behavior)
Inductive Discipline (guide child's behavior by introducing limits and establishing consequences while explaining rationales that support them)

At first, some of the concepts seemed a little counter intuitive. But as we progressed through the classes, we started to gain a better understanding of the concepts and how to apply them in parenting situations (and other situations in our lives). It's going to take some practice and focus to put the principals into use, but the benefits to our child will be huge.

We know that we are only scratching the surface of what it will take to be great parents. The classes we've taken are just the foundation. We still have much to learn and will be challenged every day as parents, but we look forward to those challenges.

Adoption Rollercoaster

2009-10-11T17:17:00.002-04:00

Much has happened in the past month...

Everything started just two days after our last blog update (September 9th). An email was sent from our adoption agency to everybody on the Korean adoption email list. The adoption agency was letting everybody know that there was a little boy waiting for adoption. For those that don't know about the adoption process, this isn't the normal way that the adoption agency notifies adoptive parents of a waiting child. Traditionally, adoptive families are placed on a waiting list that's based on when their paperwork was completed. If the adoptive family is next on the list, the agency will review the file of the waiting child and see if he/she looks like a good match for a waiting family. If everything looks good, the family is notified that they have been matched with a waiting child.

In the case of the email that we received, the little boy was a little older than children normally are from Korea. Because he was older, our adoption agency decided to notify everybody to see who may be interested in adopting the little boy. As you can imagine, we were very excited. At the time, it had been about 2 1/2 months since our paperwork had been sent to Korea. We thought it was going to take close to a year before we were matched with a child. This was an opportunity that we hadn't expected. Laura and I discussed everything we knew about the little boy and decided to let our agency know that we were interested. From then on, we anxiously awaited any news about the little boy.

A few days later (it felt like forever), the adoption agency sent out an email letting everybody know that many, many families had let the adoption agency know that they were interested in trying to adopt the little boy. For us this was happy and sad news. I'm sad to say that from a selfish perspective, it was tough to know that so many other families were interested. This meant that our chances for adopting the little boy were reduced. We've been waiting a long time to start our family (both before and during the adoption process) and it was tough to know that what looked like good news a few days prior wasn't looking quite as good. But from the other perspective, it was happy news to know that so many families wanted to welcome the little boy into their family. We've met so many awesome families on our adoption journey and this just illustrates how much love everybody has to give.

Of the families that expressed interest in adopting the little boy, four were identified as good candidates for adoption. To ensure privacy for the families, the adoption agency didn't release names of the families or additional information about the little boy. We didn't know if we were one of the four families or not. The adoption agency said that they would start by notifying one family at a time. If the family decided that they wanted to proceed with the adoption, that would be the end of the selection process. If the family decided that the match wasn't right for them, the adoption agency would go to the next family on the list. It was very difficult not knowing whether we were one of the families that the adoption agency felt would be a good match for the little boy. One consolation was knowing that our adoption agency is very good about matching the right child with the right family. I certainly don't envy the decisions that they have to make. I know it can't be easy. They do a great job in very difficult situations.

At this point (October 11), we haven't heard if the little boy has been matched with a family. We don't know when more information will be released. It's been tough waiting to hear any additional information. We're not sure if we'll be the family for this little boy or not, but what we do know is that there is a little baby out there that is the perfect match for us. It may happen tomorrow or it may happen months from now, but some time in the future our child will be with us...filling in a missing piece of our family.

September PIPS

2009-09-07T08:53:00.002-04:00

We attended our monthly Parents In Progress (PIPS) adoption meeting on September 1st. This month three families had their newly adopted children with them. There were two 10 month old boys from Korea and one 18 month old girl from China...all were adorable. One of the boys is the first child for a couple that we met at the adoption picnic a few months ago. When we met them, they had just received their referral and were proudly showing everybody the pictures of their son. It was nice to see him in person for the first time.

In addition to introducing their newest family member, the parents provide some information about traveling to the country of adoption and some of their new parenting experiences. This month we learned that the Holt adoption agency (that's who we work with in Korea) provides each adoptive family with a bag of baby essentials including diapers, formula, etc. This is good to know so that we don't travel with any unnecessary items. Another tip we heard was that if you're having a problem getting your child to calm down when you first adopt him in Korea, they are often calmed by going outside. The shock of moving from foster parents to their adoptive parents along with a new environment can be difficult for the child to deal with. When you bring them outside, it seems to help settle them down. Who knows if our child will be calm at first or cry. It's good to know that we can try different things that others have tried before us to help him deal with the change.

Our guest speaker at the September PIPS meeting was a pediatrician that specializes in dealing with adopted children. She has three adopted children of her own, so she has extensive experience as both a doctor and a parent. She provided us with a few handouts and decided to have mostly a question and answer session instead of just reciting information from her handouts. Here are some of the highlights...

Before you travel, schedule your baby's first pediatric appointment so that it occurs right after you return. This will ensure that you won't have to wait too long for your baby's first checkup.
The medical care in Korea is comparable to health care in the US.
If children are underweight comparable to their age, it's not necessarily a concern. If a child has a head size that is smaller than the average child of the same age, this may be an indicator that the child may have cognitive issues in the future. The body has a natural defense to provide nutrients to the brain, even when there is malnurishment, so the head and brain can continue to develop at a rate that is close to normal. If there is severe malnurishment, that's when the head and brain are affected.
When you return home, your child should have a thorough exam to include lab work. The accuracy of medical records varies from country to country. Korea is normally has very accurate medical records, but it's best to be sure.
The pediatrician recommended that if possible you find a pediatrician that has experience working with kids adopted internationally. If that's not an option, you can have one of the pediatricians from the adoption clinic at Johns Hopkins conduct the initial exam.

The PIPS meetings are a great way for us to get educated, have fun, and stay connected with all of the other families that are adopting like us. We look forward to the meetings every month. We're looking forward to next month.

Creating Our Nursery - Part I

2009-08-30T09:35:00.003-04:00

Yesterday (Aug 29) we decided to get serious about figuring out what we're going to do for our nursery. After doing a lot of research using our highly recommended Baby Bargains book (http://www.windsorpeak.com/babybargains/default.html) and a road trip to Frederick, MD almost two months ago to check out a baby furniture store to see what we liked, we thought we knew what we wanted. We intended to go back to the store to make our purchase, but decided to check out the Great Beginnings store (http://www.greatbeginnings.net/) in Gaithersburg, MD to see what they offered. According to the Baby Bargain book, they are one of the top 21 independent baby stores in the country so we thought they were worth checking out. After looking at the web site we were a little concerned that it might just be a high-end baby store, but we decided to go see for ourselves to make sure that we were looking at all options prior to making our decision.

As we entered the store, our first thought was "'WOW". It was a huge store! The whole center of the store has bedroom sets, with most setup in a small room setting with bedding so you get an idea of how it will look together. I would guess that there were close to 50 different bedroom sets, so it was all a little overwhelming at first. We slowly worked our way through the store, picking up brochures and making note of the furniture that we liked. Several sales associates came by to see if we needed any help, but we decided to make one pass through all the furniture before we got some help. After spending about an hour looking at everything, a sales associate (Brian) asked us if we needed any assistance or would like a tour of the furniture. We took him up on his offer. He showed us around, pointing out various aspects about the furniture. The first thing that we noticed is that he was very helpful but not pushy. Several times he pointed out things we hadn't considered and he also let us know about areas where people overspend on things that really aren't necessary. It was refreshing to work with a sales associate that wasn't trying to push all the expensive items and add-ons. He focused on the furniture that was the best quality at a reasonable price, not the real expensive furniture. As he showed us the different lines of furniture, we noticed that he even though he had no idea which furniture we had liked when we did our first walkthrough, he ended up showing us the items that were on our short list. After showing us around for close to an hour, we decided to do another walkthrough on our own to narrow down our choices. By this time it was around 2:00 PM. We hadn't had lunch and needed a little break to gather our thoughts. We went to a local Korean restaurant (of course) and discussed furniture as we enjoyed our bi-bim bap. I had the traditional bi-bim bap with beef and Laura had hers with seafood.

After enjoying our lunch, we headed back to the store, ready to make a decision. In the end, we decided to order furniture from Munire. We went with the classic chestnut finish in the Essex line (http://www.munirefurniture.com/essex_03.htm). As our sales associate was writing up our order, he let us know that every Saturday they offer a way for shoppers to save 15% off the highest priced item of their order. All you have to do is sing a 30 second karaoke in the middle of the store. Laura immediately looked at me and said that I could do it. The only singing I normally do is in the truck when nobody is around to hear me since I know it won't be a pleasant experience for me or the listener. I've never done (or had a desire to do) karaoke. Since I wasn't very excited to expose my poor singing talents all by myself, I told the sales associate that maybe Laura and I should do a duet instead. He thought that was a great idea, but needless to say Laura didn't like that idea. I carefully looked at all the songs they offered, trying to come up with a song that didn't require any signing talent. As I browsed the list, I saw one with potential. I settled on "the hokey pokey" with the condition that if I sang, Laura would have to do the dance with me so that we could share in our embarrassment. With a little pressure from me, she agreed. I sang the first two verses (left foot and right foot) as Laura and I both did the dance. The sales staff was thoroughly entertained, we were slightly embarrassed, but we ended up saving almost $100. It will be a funny story to tell to our child.

Over four hours after we first arrived at the store, we finally completed our order. You think that we would have had enough for one day, but we decided to continue to immerse ourselves in baby "stuff" by walking around the store looking at strollers, high chairs, and other items that we'll need to get some time in the future. On the way home, we even decided to check out another baby store just to see what they had for baby bedding. That will be the next hard choice. There are so many great looking bedding sets. It's going to be tough to choose the theme of our nursery.

As Laura said, we had baby overload yesterday, but it was a lot of fun. Every time we do something like this, we know it brings us one step closer to the day when we have our child.

The Waiting Game

2009-08-11T19:28:00.002-04:00

Last Tuesday (Aug 4) we went to our monthly Parents in Progress (PIPS) meeting. While waiting for the meeting to begin, we talked with a woman who is adopting a boy from Russia. She had just returned from her first visit to see her son. She travelled half way around the world, spending almost a week in Russia just to see her son for a total of 6 hours. When you adopt from Russia, it normally takes two or more trips to complete the process. This was her first trip. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to finally meet your future adopted child only to say good-bye because you're not allowed to finish the process in a single visit. I'm thankful that Korean adoptions require just a single visit.

As we do every month, the meeting began with the introduction of the newest adoptive families. There was only one family that was able to make the meeting this month. They had adopted a beautiful 3 1/2 year old girl from China just a couple of weeks ago. It was nice to hear about everything they went through and to see how happy they are after waiting 4 long years to complete the adoption process. Thankfully we won't have to wait that long (but I'll explain that in greater detail in a few minutes).

After getting introduced to the latest Catholic Charities adoptive family, the social worker had more great news to share with the group...there were five families that received their referrals from Korea in the past month. Three of the families were at the PIPS meeting. Each of them had pictures of their child that they eagerly shared with the group. You could see the pride in the parent's faces. As we looked at the pictures, we couldn't help but think what it will be like when we get our first picture of our child. The first time an adoptive family gets to see what their child looks like is at the referral. I imagine that the feeling an adoptive family has when sharing the first picture of their child is similar to the feeling a birth family has when they share their 1st sonogram photo with family and friends.

As I wrote earlier, we hope that we won't have to wait as long as the family that waited four years to adopt from China. When we started our adoption journey, we were told that after we completed our paperwork it would take 14-15 months to get our referral and another 3-4 months before we were able to travel to pick up our child. The good news is that our wait may be getting shorter. One of the five families that received their referral last month only waited one year which is a couple months less than previous families. On top of that, the next families that are waiting for a referral have only been waiting since December 2008. If they get a referral in the next couple of months it means that our wait may get even shorter. It's hard not to get our hopes up. Right now we're not sure where we stand on the wait list. Even though we know how many people at Catholic Charities are waiting for a referral, we have no idea how many families are waiting across the country. Since all Korean adoptions go through just two adoption agencies in Korea, there are many more families waiting to adopt then we're aware of.

It's hard to believe that it's been almost two months since our paperwork was approved. We know that our wait time may fluctuate over the coming months, but we're hopefully optimistic that we'll have a referral sooner rather than later. To make sure we're ready, we're going to start decorating the nursery in the coming months. Stay tuned for updates and pictures on our progress.

The Hard Part's Over (or is it just beginning)

2009-06-28T14:35:00.003-04:00

Over the last few weeks we've completed a couple big milestones with our adoption.

First, we successfully completed or home study on June 17th. Our social worker arrived at about 9:30 am. We started by going over some of our paperwork to make sure everything was complete. Once this was done, we filled out our medical issues checklist. The checklist is used to show a variety of different medical issues that an adopted child may have. We reviewed each item on the list and had to answer whether or not we would like to adopt a child if he/she had the medical condition. It's was a very extensive list that covers everything from low birth weight to genetic conditions such as Down's Syndrome.

Next, we reviewed the results of the Adult-Adolescent Parenting Inventory test that we took when we had our initial interview with our social worker. We had each taken the test on our own and didn't know the results until the home study. The purpose of the test is to determine your parenting beliefs. We had to answer 40 questions giving a rating of strongly agrees, agrees, disagrees, strongly disagrees, or uncertain. A couple of example questions are...

Spanking teaches children right from wrong.
Good children always obey their parents.
Parents need to push their children to do better.

A couple of the questions were a little ambiguous, so we reviewed them, discussing our thoughts. After that, our social worker met with one of our neighbors who we used as a reference for our adoption. She talked to him for about 15 minutes, discussing our interactions with him and his kids and what kind of parents he thought we would be. We finished up the home study giving her a tour of the house, showing her where our nursery will be. She let us know that everything in our package looked good and that she would discuss it with the other social workers in a few days and recommend that we be approved to adopt.

On Wednesday, June 24th we received some great news...our social worker said that we were officially approved to go forward with the adoption. Two days later (Friday, June 26th), our package was sent to Korea.

So now that the paperwork is complete and on it's way to Korea, some would say the hardest part is done. I'm not so sure. We have a long time to wait until we receive our referral with apparently little to keep us occupied. The waiting might be harder than what we've done so far. To make the wait a little easier to tolerate, we have plenty of plans to keep us focused on our adoption. Everything from trying to learn a little bit of the Korean language to getting the nursery ready. I'm sure the time will pass quickly, but right now it seems like 15-18 months is a very long ways away.

Paperwork, Picnic, and a Surprise

2009-05-31T20:51:00.004-04:00

Paperwork

It's been quite a while since our last post. A lot has happened in the past few months. The most important news is that we finished all of our paperwork about a month ago. Everything is now in the hands of our social worker. She is putting together our adoption package in preparation for our home study. During the home study she'll come visit the house and interview one of our neighbors that we used as a reference. After that, the package is complete and get's sent to Korea. Unfortunately we'll still have a long wait, but it's a big relief to know that we've taken a big step forward.

...Picnic

Today our adoption agency held their annual "Catholic Charities Families' Annual Picnic". I would guess that there were around 100 families in attendance. The picnic was in Severna Park, MD at the Kinder Farm Park. It's a beautiful county park that has a large playground, trails, fishing, and a farm supported by 4H that has chickens, goats, pigs, cows, and sheep. Everybody met at a couple of the pavilions for a picnic lunch. The majority of the families have already adopted children. Previously we had met a few couples that are still working through the adoption process like us, so we decided to eat lunch with them. We also met a couple that got their adoption referral about 2 months ago. They expect to be traveling to Korea in about a month to pick up their son. They had several pictures of him, including one with his foster mother. You could see how excited they were to be going to pickup their son in the near future.

It was great being around so many adoptive families. There were adopted children spanning ages from infant all the way to young adult. We couldn't help but smile every time we saw a beautiful adopted child. In many ways all of the adoptive families make you feel like you're a part of one big family. Everybody has either been through or is going through the adoption process. It's like a huge support network. Everybody is always willing to listen to you, answer your questions, or just provide moral support.

...and a Surprise

As the end of the picnic neared, we were in for a little surprise...they were raffling off an item. When we arrived at the picnic, we were given two tickets. We didn't think much about it at the time. After everybody had finished their lunch, they decided to hold the raffle. They drew the first ticket, but nobody was there to claim the prize. The next number was called, and to our surprise, it was one of our tickets. We had no idea what the prize would be. I walked up to the front and was presented with a beautiful cross-stiched baby blanket.

I was speechless. As I brought it back to Laura and showed it to her, I could see tears come to her eyes. It was such a special gift. This is the first gift for our future child. I know that it will always hold a special place in our hearts and will be part of a great story that we'll share with him.

Continued Progress

2009-03-15T11:41:00.002-04:00

We're continuing to make very good progress on our adoption paperwork and are getting close to the end. Almost two weeks ago, we went to our first PIPS (Parents in Progress) meeting. PIPS is a support group that consists of the families that are in the process of adopting but haven't completed the adoption. The group meets once a month to socialize and receive information about adoption and parenting. Also, parents that have just completed their adoption come back with their child to discuss how they and their child are adjusting. At this meeting, there was a girl from Korea, a boy from Korea, a boy from the Philippines, and two boys from Ethiopia (adopted together). It was very interesting hearing about their experiences. The most common challenge for the parents was dealing with sleeping issues for both them and their child.

After meeting the new adoptees, we were supposed to have a speaker talk to us about dental issues with children. Unfortunately she got her schedule mixed up and missed the meeting. On the plus side, we got to spend more time talking to the adoptive families. At the end of the meeting, we talked with our social worker and gave her the first batch of paperwork so she could start working on it.

Since the meeting, we've been busy trying to get the rest of the paperwork completed. Last week we had a fire inspection at the house and completed our medical exams. Next week we have somebody from the health department visit the house to make sure we have a safe and healthy environment for raising a child. Today we're trying to get the house looking great to ensure we have a smooth inspection. As you can see, there many steps that we have to take to become adoptive parents, but we know it's all worth it.

We have just a couple more items to complete before the home study (I'll explain that in a future blog). After that, we'll begin the long wait for the paperwork to go through the system and get matched with a child. If we're fortunate, we'll know who we're adopting about this time next year and travel to get him next summer.

Adoption Reminders Everywhere

2009-02-22T21:36:00.002-05:00

As we started on our adoption journey, we had a good idea that there would be many things that constantly reminded us of adoption. Whether we're out at a local mall, reading the newspaper, or watching t.v., we're see many things that make us think about our adoption journey. For example, Laura got me a puzzle-a-day desk calendar. A few weeks ago, the puzzle showed the word "Korea", with each of the letters written in a very fancy way. The letters were so fancy that it wasn't readily apparent that the word was Korea. What made the puzzle even more interesting was that when you flipped the word upside down, it spelled a different word. In this case, the word was "America". Whether you believe that it was a coincidence or a sign from God, it was pretty amazing to see something that reminded us of our adoption, but in a place where we least expected it.

Today was another day where a reminder came out of left field. We were watching The Amazing Race and a commercial for California milk came on. Laura was chatting on FaceBook and immediately her attention was drawn to the television. The commercial was of a cow from Korea that wants to travel to California. The cow's name is Soo. Most of the commercial is in Korean, with subtitles in English. We really enjoyed the commercial and found it very cute (and funny). If you want to see it, check it out at the following web site: http://www.realcaliforniamilk.com/content/soo-0.

It's amazing to see so many reminders of our adoption and Korea. Who knows where the next reminder will come from.

Reinvigorated

2009-01-31T17:48:00.002-05:00

Sometimes it doesn't take much to get reinvigorated with something that's important in your life..today was one of those days for us.

This afternoon we had a chance to spend a little time with our friends in the Southern Maryland Adoptive Family Network. We were first introduced to them last fall. Laura was talking to one of her customers about adoption and that's how we found out about the group. They invited us to a picnic in the early fall. We had a great time meeting everybody. Now that the holidays have passed and people's lives are back to a more normal pace, they decided to throw a potluck lunch to get everybody back together.

We all met at a church in La Plata and spent a couple of hours eating, socializing, and watching all of the children have fun playing together. It was a great time. Every time we see so many different adoptive families with children adopted both domestically and from various parts of the world, we get reinvigorated. It makes us want to work harder and move faster so that we'll be able to adopt our child as soon as possible.

Well, I'm cutting this post short. Since we're reinvigorated, it's time to go work on our paperwork. :-)

Getting back on the adoption wagon

2009-01-19T19:16:00.004-05:00

If you've been following this blog, you know that there hasn't been an update in two long months. Family and friends have been excited to hear about our progress with the adoption. The bad news is that over the last two months, very little has happened. We fell off the wagon (so to speak). Laura and I found ourselves overwhelmed with work and the holidays, so our progress with the paperwork came to a halt. The good news is that our life has gone back to normal (as normal as our lives are) and we're redoubling our efforts to finish our paperwork so that we can get one step closer to adopting our child. Now we're back on the adoption wagon. As we work through the remainder of the paperwork, I'll provide more regular updates. But for now, I'll recap the second day of our adoption training from last November (as promised in the last blog update).

On the second day of our adoption training, our original group split into two so that all of the people adopting internationally were together. We started by talking about how the focus on adoption differs between the parent and adopted child. In the beginning of the adoption process, the parents are extremely focused on the adoption. As you bond with your child, your thoughts of adoption start to diminish. It's always there in the back of your mind...as you teach your child about their heritage, celebrate holidays from their country of birth, etc....but first and foremost you are a parent. For the adopted child, the focus on adoption is just the opposite. In our case, our child will be young so at first he won't know he's adopted. Over time, as we explain adoption to him and teach him about his place of birth, he will become more and more inquisitive. One way that our adoption agency helps with this is by offering homeland tours. When the child is ready, the family can visit his birth country. The whole family has a chance to experience the culture first hand and they may even be able to learn more about the child's adoption story.

The adoption story is basically the information about the circumstances of the child's adoption. It may include information about the child's birth parents, place of birth, or other personal facts. Some of this information we may get when we first get matched with our child. Other pieces of information may be discovered at a later date. The important thing is that in the end, it's all personal information that belongs to our child. As parents, we will share this information with our child when we feel he is ready to hear about it, but we will not share this information with anybody else. We feel very strongly that the adoption story is our child's story to share with others, not ours.

The next portion of our training covered health issues. We learned about mongolian blue spots which is a collection of pigmentation at certain areas of the body. It normally happens in infants and slowly fades over time. It looks very much like bruises, so it's important to be aware of it and share the information with your pediatrician so that there's no misunderstandings as to whether it's mongolian blue spots or bruises. We also found out that we'll have to get some vaccination updates prior to traveling to South Korea. I'm probably good to go (thanks to the Air Force) but Laura will probably need to get a few shots.

During lunch, each person in the group got to go over their homework assignment. I'm sure you're all thinking..."homework assignment". Our assignment was to increase our awareness of our child's culture and share it with the others couples. Some examples of things we could research or do were to...

Visit a market or store related to the country
Visit an ethnic church and talk to church members about your plans to adopt
Research special holidays or traditions
Identify books, foods, or music particular to the country

If you read the earlier blog entries, you know this was a pretty easy assignment for us. We had already done most of these things on our own. We were able to share our experiences with Korean cooking and the Korean cultural festival. We also brought some Korean snacks and shared them with everybody. There were three other adoptive families (2 South Korea, 1 China) that shared their information too. It was a great way to learn more about both cultures. We all had a great time.

At the end of the day, we had our toughest assignment. Each person paired off with somebody else (not their spouse) and was given two role playing scenarios. Each scenario was based on an actual incident that somebody has experienced as an adoptive parent. One person played the role of the adoptive parent while the other person played the role of the person that was either asking lots of personal questions or was saying something inconsiderate (or ignorant) about the situation. An example of a scenario is that the adoptive parent and child are in a line at a grocery store and the next person in line says something like, "Where's he from...are you his real parents?". The goal of the exercise was to understand that as adoptive parents, there will be many times that we have to deal with uncomfortable situations and will have to learn how to respond. The way we look at it, we'll have a chance to educate people about adoption. Most people that ask insensitive questions don't do it to hurt the adoptive family. They are just inquisitive. I believe that if we're able to help other people understand adoption, it will make our child's life just a little easier in the long run.

That's it for the long awaited update. Now I'm going to get back to work on our paperwork. Our goal is to get it completed so that we can have our home study by the end of March. We'll let you know how we're doing soon.

Paperwork and Training

2008-11-16T20:31:00.002-05:00

At this stage in the adoption process, we're heavily involved in completing all of our paperwork along with completing a variety of adoption and parenting training. At times it seems a little overwhelming but we know that all the effort is worth it.

On Friday (Nov 14th) we travelled to the adoption agency to take our first of two all-day classes on adoption. The second class will be this Tuesday (Nov 18th). The first class had a mix of people that are adopting both domestically and internationally. It was a pretty large group of six couples. Two couples were adopting domestically, one couple was adopting from China, and the other three couples (us included) are adopting from Korea. For all couples, this is their first time adopting. It was really great to meet so many people that are going through what we are. Two of the couples are already birth parents but it sounds like just about everybody has struggled with infertility like we have. There were some sad stories to tell and quite a few tears were shed, but we all share an enthusiasm for what is to come as we adopt children from various parts of the world.

The overall theme for the day was "identity". There are many things that play a role in a person's identify. We started by discussing the differences between nature and nurture...and how this shapes our development. An adopted child often lacks information about the "nature" side of their life. Because they are not raised by their birthparents, they often don't learn about their family or cultural history. For adoptees, it's important for them to learn their life story so that they can better understand their "natural" roots. You may have heard the saying that "you need to know where you've been to know where you're going". This is the same thought behind an adoptee knowing their life story. Part of our role as adoptive parents will be to help our child understand his life story and explain it to him which is why we're learning about the Korean culture. It's important to us because we know it will be important to him.

The next topic we discussed was the difference between the perception of birthparents that make an adoption plan and the reality. Some of the typical stereotypes are that the birthparents are poor, young, irresponsible, and selfish. In reality, birthparents consist of people at various income levels, have an average age in the mid 20's, and usually decide to make an adoption plan for the welfare of their child (which is an extremely unselfish act). Our adoption agency deals with both birthparents and adoptive parents. They see both sides. One reason that we really like the people in the agency is that we know they have a genuine concern for everybody. There are many people that are affected by adoption. The birthparents, children, adoptive parents, family, and friends...all are affected. Even though we will be extremely happy when we finally have our child in our arms, I know that we will also feel a deep sense of sadness knowing that our child will probably never know his birth parents.

In our training, we also talked about positive adoption language. The goal with positive adoption language is to give the maximum respect, dignity, responsibility, and objectivity about the decisions made by both birthparents and adoptive parents in discussing the family planning decisions they have made for children who have been adopted. We feel that one of our roles as adoptive parents is to help educate people on adoption. One aspect of that education is how we talk about adoption. For example, one of the most common things people say when referring to birthparents is to call them the child's "real parents". In reality, the "real parents" are the ones that raised the child. They are the ones that comforted him when he was sad and laughed with him when he was happy. Adoptive parents are no less "real" than any other parents. It doesn't matter if we are the birthparents of our child or not...we know that we will be his real parents.

"Real parents" is just one example...there are many other examples of positive adoption language. Here's a good link that shows both the negative phrase and a more positive phrase that should be used instead: http://www.adoptlink.com/language.htm.

We finished up the day talking about the differences (and similarities) between being a birthparent and an adoptive parent. In addition, we watched a video that talked about adoption from the view of the adoptive parent as well as the adopted child.

It was a long day of training but if flew by very quickly. We left feeling reenergized and motivated to keep working on our paperwork. We know we still have a long ways to go and a lot to learn along the way, but we're as excited as ever.

Wedding Anniversary with a Korean Twist - Part II

2008-10-19T18:13:00.005-04:00

After our anniversary dinner at the Korean restaurant, we went to the 3rd annual Korean-American cultural arts festival held at George Mason University (Fairfax, VA). The theme of the event this year was the celebration of the 630th birthday of Nangye Park Yeon, one of the most famous musicians in Korean history.

As we pulled up to the cultural arts center, the first thing we noticed was that there was a very high percentage (probably at least 90%) of Asian people in attendance. We thought there would be many Korean Americans, but thought that there would be a broader mix of different racial and ethnic backgrounds that were interested in experiencing a piece of Korean culture. We could tell that the cultural festival was an important way for the Korean Americans to keep in touch with their cultural history. When we entered the main lobby, we noticed that there were several art exhibits setup. All of the artists are from the local area. There was a paper artist, calligrapher, florist, and painter. All of the art was very nice with the floral arrangements and paper art particularly beautiful.

The performances for the festival were all musical. The first half was all traditional Korean music. The first performance was music that was performed during royal ceremonies. There was a mix of wind instruments (bamboo flutes and oboes), fiddles, and drums. All of the instruments were Korean...they are nothing like the western instruments that we're used to seeing. In addition, the sounds are very unique. At first they sounded very strange to us, but as the music continued we started to get a feel for it and began to enjoy it more. During the first performance, there was also a royal court fashion show. Men and women walked slowly onto the stage wearing outfits that you would have seen in Korean royal courts throughout the years.

The second performance was a dance called Salpuri which means to exorcise evil energies. The woman danced slowly while holding a silken scarf. The music was slow and the scarf movements were in coordination with minute foot movements. The first half of the concert ended with 3 more performances. Most of the music was played with a slower, almost reverent pace. The melodies seemed to repeat quite a bit (probably because I have an untrained ear and didn't notice the differences).

After a 20 minute intermission, the second half kicked off with a speech by the master of ceremonies. He started in English than spoke for several minutes in Korean (we're not sure what he said). When he started speaking in English again, he began talking about the history of Korea and how it changed with the occupation by Japan in the early 1900s. As he talked more and more about the last 100 years, he started lecturing the audience on taking accountability and influencing our children. The audience began to get a little restless, I'm assuming that they didn't enjoyed being lectured to.

The whole second half was performed by a Korean traditional orchestra. The setup was like a traditional orchestra that you would experience in western civilization, but consisted of Korean or other eastern instruments. Most of the music was more upbeat than the first half of music. Once piece of music featured solos of almost every instrument, so we got to hear what each one sounded like by itself. The last performance was our favorite. The piece was called Chukjae which is a recreational festival. The orchestra was joined by a saxophonist. The upbeat music featured many saxophone solos that were countered with percussion solos. It was as if the percussion instruments were dueling with the saxophone. The audience thoroughly enjoyed it...enough for an encore performance.

We really enjoyed our day experiencing a little bit of the Korean culture. We know that our child will be raised as an American, but we want to make sure that he understands his proud Korean heritage. We can't wait to share these experiences with him as he grows and explores both his American heritage and his Korean heritage.

Wedding Anniversary with a Korean Twist - Part I

2008-10-13T20:36:00.003-04:00

Yesterday (12 Oct 2008) was our 17th anniversary. We decided to spend our afternoon and evening by getting to know a little bit more about the Korean culture.

We started by going to a Korean restaurant for an early supper. We've been to a couple different Korean restaurants, but wanted to try a different one to see how it was. After some online research, we settled on trying Yechon in Annandale, VA. The restaurant is located in an area with a heavy Korean population. The first thing we noticed as we pulled up was that the restaurant didn't look like much...more like a soutwestern steak restaurant. Looks were deceiving because inside it was nicely decorated with various Korean art. After browsing through the menu, we decided to order one of their house specials for two. We chose the Korean barbecue.

Most Korean meals start when they bring out a wide variety of different cold vegetable dishes that everybody at the table shares. We had at least 6 different kinds of vegetables. The Korean vegetable dish that most people have heard of is Kimchi (also spelled Kimchee or Gimchi). Kimchi is made by taking vegetables, adding spices, putting them in a pot, and burying them in the ground so that they can ferment. The most common kind is a cabbage kimchi. Our vegetable dishes included a cabbage kimchi that was moderately spicy. There were also vegetable dishes with cucumbers and eggplant, to name a few. I normally don't like eggplant, but I did like the eggplant dish that they brought. All of the vegetable dishes were very good (and that's coming from a guy that isn't a big fan of vegetables).

Once we got our vegetable dishes, the waitress brought the meat for our barbecue. A traditional Korean barbecue is done right at your table. There is a grill built into the table. The meat is brought to your table and either you can cook it yourself or the waitress will do it for you. Since we got one of the house specials, we were given a variety of meats. We had bulgogi (thinly sliced beef), galbi (short ribs), chicken, pork, shrimp, and lobster. All were very good. We also had a spicy soup (bean paste pot stew) that had bean and tofu, along with a rice dish called kamasot bob.

All in all, it was an excellent meal that we really enjoyed. It was a great primer for the rest of our evening...but I'll save that story for the next blog entry. :-)

Getting the Adoption Ball Rolling

2008-10-08T14:53:00.003-04:00

Yesterday (7 Oct 2008) was a big day for us in our adoption journey...we had our first meeting with our social worker. We are working with Catholic Charities in Baltimore, MD. Our social worker has many years of experience helping families with adoption and also is uniquely qualified since she is a parent of six children adopted internationally.

Our day started bright and early since we had to drive to Baltimore from Southern Maryland (in rush hour traffic). All was well until we got close to Baltimore where we met up with some heavy traffic and a broken down vehicle. We ended up arriving a little late to our appointment. For our first session with our social worker, we started by going over our autobiographies. Before scheduling our meeting, we each had to each write a 7-10 page autobiography. Prior to our arrival, our social worker had reviewed them and had some additional questions. After discussing our autobiographies, we were separated so that one-on-one interviews could be conducted. While one of us was being interviewed, the other filled out a questionnaire that dealt with our parenting style. The questions dealt with topics such as discipline, potty training, and our expectations of childhood behavior. We also had to complete an alcoholism screening.

Once we finished the interview portion, we were given some more information on what to expect in the adoption process. The adoption process is different depending on whether it is domestic or international. On top of that, all international adoptions have different requirements. We have chosen to adopt a child from Korea...South Korea to be more specific. The primary reasons we chose to adopt from Korea is that the children are all taken care of by foster parents (they're not placed in an orphanage), all children get excellent medical care, you have a full medical history of the children, and the children can be adopted at a relatively young age (8-10 months old). We found out that it's almost guaranteed that we will adopt a boy (you can't chose whether it's a boy or girl). If you already have a boy, you are allowed to request a girl for your second adoption.

As you can expect, the adoption process is very lengthy. Here's what we can expect:

Home Study: Approximately 3 months of paperwork (background investigations, medical exams, financial review, reference letters, home inpsections, parenting training, etc.)
Paperwork Processing by Korea: Approximately 13-15 months of sitting and waiting.
Referral: Once the paperwork is processed by Korea, we will get a referral with information (including photos) about the baby that we will be adopting.
Travel: Approximately 3 months after referral we will travel to pick up our child. For Korean adoptions, you can either have the baby escorted to the US or go pickup the child in Korea. We have decided to travel to Korea so that we can learn a little about the culture and also so that we can meet the foster parents.

So right now, the process is expected to take close to 2 years. Yes, that's a very long time. Right now, everything is in our hands. We have lots of paperwork to complete. The quicker we get it done...the quicker we move on to the next phase of our adoption journey.

We ended up our day by getting fingerprinted by the state of Maryland (we'll also need a second set of fingerprints from Citizenship and Imigration Services (CIS), formally called INS). The nearest location was about 15 miles away from the adoption agency. Since it was lunch time, we stopped for a bite to eat at Applebees, hoping to avoid the lunch rush at the fingerprint location. Unfortunately, it's always busy there. When we arrived, there was a line of about 10 people plus another 10 or more in the waiting area. Thankfully, it didn't end up taking as long as we thought. Within about 10 minutes, we were called in. We expected to do the old style ink fingerprinting, but everything is computerized now. Our fingerprints were scanned within a couple of minutes and we were done.

It was a very eventful day. We got lots of excellent information and are very excited to push forward with the adoption. We've also got some special adopotion related plans for this coming weekend (which coincides with our anniversary), but I'll save that for another post.

First Post

2008-10-01T21:32:00.005-04:00

This is the first post in our blog that will detail the life and times of two Mainers now living in Maryland. Our intent is to provide everybody with information about the latest happenings in our lives. We often forget what stories we've shared with our family and friends, so this will give everybody an opportunity to keep up with the adventures of two Mainers living in the south.

The majority of our blog will focus on the adoption of our first child. There are many reasons why we want to share this information in a blog:

We know that we have a long journey ahead of us. There will be many good times, and probably just as many trials and tribulations. We want to make sure we remember it all.
This blog will be an online diary that we plan on sharing with our child when he or she is old enough to understand.
We are very excited and want to share our experiences with our family and friends. This is your chance to join us in our journey of adoption.

There are already many topics for us to write about, but I'll save them for another post.

Welcome to our blog.