Sunday, October 11, 2009

Adoption Rollercoaster

Much has happened in the past month...

Everything started just two days after our last blog update (September 9th). An email was sent from our adoption agency to everybody on the Korean adoption email list. The adoption agency was letting everybody know that there was a little boy waiting for adoption. For those that don't know about the adoption process, this isn't the normal way that the adoption agency notifies adoptive parents of a waiting child. Traditionally, adoptive families are placed on a waiting list that's based on when their paperwork was completed. If the adoptive family is next on the list, the agency will review the file of the waiting child and see if he/she looks like a good match for a waiting family. If everything looks good, the family is notified that they have been matched with a waiting child.

In the case of the email that we received, the little boy was a little older than children normally are from Korea. Because he was older, our adoption agency decided to notify everybody to see who may be interested in adopting the little boy. As you can imagine, we were very excited. At the time, it had been about 2 1/2 months since our paperwork had been sent to Korea. We thought it was going to take close to a year before we were matched with a child. This was an opportunity that we hadn't expected. Laura and I discussed everything we knew about the little boy and decided to let our agency know that we were interested. From then on, we anxiously awaited any news about the little boy.

A few days later (it felt like forever), the adoption agency sent out an email letting everybody know that many, many families had let the adoption agency know that they were interested in trying to adopt the little boy. For us this was happy and sad news. I'm sad to say that from a selfish perspective, it was tough to know that so many other families were interested. This meant that our chances for adopting the little boy were reduced. We've been waiting a long time to start our family (both before and during the adoption process) and it was tough to know that what looked like good news a few days prior wasn't looking quite as good. But from the other perspective, it was happy news to know that so many families wanted to welcome the little boy into their family. We've met so many awesome families on our adoption journey and this just illustrates how much love everybody has to give.

Of the families that expressed interest in adopting the little boy, four were identified as good candidates for adoption. To ensure privacy for the families, the adoption agency didn't release names of the families or additional information about the little boy. We didn't know if we were one of the four families or not. The adoption agency said that they would start by notifying one family at a time. If the family decided that they wanted to proceed with the adoption, that would be the end of the selection process. If the family decided that the match wasn't right for them, the adoption agency would go to the next family on the list. It was very difficult not knowing whether we were one of the families that the adoption agency felt would be a good match for the little boy. One consolation was knowing that our adoption agency is very good about matching the right child with the right family. I certainly don't envy the decisions that they have to make. I know it can't be easy. They do a great job in very difficult situations.

At this point (October 11), we haven't heard if the little boy has been matched with a family. We don't know when more information will be released. It's been tough waiting to hear any additional information. We're not sure if we'll be the family for this little boy or not, but what we do know is that there is a little baby out there that is the perfect match for us. It may happen tomorrow or it may happen months from now, but some time in the future our child will be with us...filling in a missing piece of our family.


Christine said...

Dan, since you became an adult, I've always known you'd be an excellent dad. I was beginning to think it would never happen, so I was ecstatic when you and Laura decided to adopt a child who desperately needs a set of parents who will love him/her unconditionally. I'm eagerly awaiting the arrival of another wonderful grandchild. All my love to you and Laura as you weather this seemingly endless wait, Mom T

Kathleen said...

Dan: Excellent post. Very informative, even for a fellow waiting parent like myself. I've added you to the list of blogs I follow and am looking forward to reading more! We, too, have been waiting forever to add to our family and have been through a lot of painful losses...but our, and your, time is coming for sure! Our children are out there. It's just a matter of when.

I'm so glad we're all done with the question of "if" and have moved on to the question of "when"!